Here in Texas, we may not have the highest temperatures in the nation, but once it gets over 100 degrees for more than a couple days, I figure it’s time to break out the jokes. A good laugh helps us cope better. So here are the best answers I’ve found to the question, How hot is it?
It’s so hot…
the best parking spots are gauged by shade, not distance.
my car overheated before I even turned it on.
I’m using my seat belt buckle as a branding iron
you can wash and dry your clothes at the same time.
I saw two trees fighting over a dog.
the cows are giving evaporated milk.
chickens are laying hard-boiled eggs.
birds are using potholders to pull worms out of the ground.
squirrels are eating roasted acorns.
I saw a coyote chasing a rabbit and they were both walking.
the fire ants are going up in flames.
the bread in the store is toast.
they installed a fan in the debt ceiling.
even white collar workers are red necks.
Jehovah’s Witnesses are now telemarketing.
Siri asked to be dipped in a glass of ice water.
Granny broke wind just to have a little breeze.
Burger King was singing, “If you want it your way, cook it yourself.”
And of course, this is the time of year we Texans remember the words of General Philip Sheridan from the Civil War: “If I owned Texas and I owned hell, I’d rent out Texas and live in hell.”
If you have any others, please feel free to post them in the comments. Laughing creates a welcome breeze.
